


We're the kids you used to love (But then we grew old)

by IlluminateTheSkyline



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Child Neglect, Depression, Eating Disorder, I cannot tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Neglect, Panic Attacks, Parent Death, Past Character Death, Survivor Guilt, kind of I think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:18:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7173425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IlluminateTheSkyline/pseuds/IlluminateTheSkyline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh is lonely. So is Tyler. The sky is blue. Water is wet. I suck at summary's. This is my first official fan fiction so it's not gonna be great by any means. Just a heads up. This fic may be sad, but I'm hoping it'll mainly be happy and cute and stuff. I think I know where I'm going with this but I don't want to give everything away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1) I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel.

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a song fic for march to the sea, but I failed so now it's whatever this is. Also, I've started writing this just before all my exams so I'll probably be doing a lot of procrastinating these next few weeks. Let's just hope I don't procrastinate on this fan fic. Anyway, I hope you like this trash.

Shuffling his worn out red converse through the sand and making a trail behind him as he reluctantly followed his family (who had apparently forgotten he was there/chose not to notice),

Josh looked out to the sea and took in the sound of blood rushing in his ears; the ocean waves crashing against rocks. He took his eyes away from the vast blueness for moment, searching for his father and young siblings before turning back again, accepting that he wouldn’t catch them up now.

 

It had been a kind of family tradition that every year they’d all go to the pier together, buying candyfloss, going in the little arcades scattered across the wooden support. They’d ask a stranger to take a picture of them as they all posed at the end of the pier, looking out into the water- to a solid future together. Being a family that didn’t have much, those goofy photographs represented their whole world, and every single one of them had been framed in their hallway like certificates.

 

But this time was different. For all of them. It was more difficult this time and Josh felt dizzy at the thought of having to go to the ocean pier. He screwed his eyes shut tightly in an attempt at blocking out what had happened there that previous year and continued walking. In an attempt at keeping as low a profile as he could, Josh swallowed down the sharp, bitter panic that was clawing its way up his throat, and pretended he couldn’t feel the cold sweat dripping down his creasing forehead.

 

Hands wrapped tightly around himself, Josh began breathing heavier as he reached the place his nightmares were made of. The one place he didn’t want to be. His whole body was now shaking enough to convince any oblivious passer by that the warmth of Summer was long gone, and he hesitantly started down the walkway with a trembling lip wanting nothing more than to turn back, and follow his quickly fading trail to comfort. 

 

The place was different in his dreams. Since that day, everything about the pier was shrouded in a thick, grayscale guilt in his mind, so Josh didn’t know how to feel upon seeing all the tiny bright buildings and string up lights. Sometimes it felt like Josh was the only one still grieving, and this was one of those times. Arcade music was blaring from too many different places for him to count, all of them competing for dominance, fighting for Josh’s undivided attention, and the whole world walked by him smiling; laughing at a joke that he had never understood, and they were all completely unaware of how faint Josh felt at the very thought that no one else remembered what had happened there. 

Feeling a wave of sudden nausea coming over him, Josh ran to the end of the pier, trying to remember how to breathe. His panting only got louder as he saw over the edge into the threatening water below, and Josh was sure he would have been sick if he had eaten that day. Blackness followed his teary eyes whichever direction he looked; the ground below was a bottomless void, and the sky was sickeningly empty until he felt the soothing hand of a stranger on his back and heard soft mutterings of ‘’Shhh shhh, you’re okay. It’s fine now.’’ over and over again in his ear.


	2. 2) They say the oceans blue, but it's black right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry. It's literally took me a month to upload this even though I had most of it in my R.S book but I had to revise for exams, and then do exams, and then got the results back for said exams, so I just haven't had the energy to upload. This sucks, and it's even more sucky of me to leave people waiting for the suckiest fanfic in the fricking fandom. And this is still really short. But anyways, please enjoy. Let's hope I upload before August.

When Josh finally calmed down enough to turn and look at the person - or the angel who was now holding him, the two of them tangled hopelessly, hopefully together, reduced to a mess of four arms, four legs, and two racing heartbeats, on the side of the pier, he was gently pulled away from the edge to safety. 

The wood splintered into his back as he sits down, and the stranger - his saviour steps back to where Josh can get a proper look at them for the first time. Brown eyes flecked with gold stare down at him, concerned. Stubble scatters a tanned face, the same colour as the eyes. A deep, warm colour. Like home. Jawline sharp, and nose cute, small.   
"You're an angel."  
Josh thinks to himself.  
A gravelly, squeaky laugh snaps him out of his daze, and Josh's cheeks turn as pink as his hair in an instant.   
"I said that out loud, didn't I?"   
The grin his new friend wore, teeth crooked and white, and lips plump and cracked; perfectly imperfect, was all the answer Josh needed for his face to turn impossibly rouge.   
"I-I'm so so sorry."   
Josh stuttered, embarrassed, attempting to backtrack on what he said. Wearing that same sunshine grin, the person sticks their hand out and playfully chirps "Tyler. And seriously don't worry about it. I'm an attractive guy, I get it all the time."  
A hand waves in front of Josh's face when he fails to reply.  
"Dude, I was kidding."  
Tyler's smile fades slightly, and his playful expression shifts to bewildered.  
"....Sorry."   
Is all Josh can bring himself to say as he finally takes the hand offered to him and stands up.  
"I've never heard that one before."  
Josh's eyebrows knit together as a way of response.   
"Your name."   
Tyler clarifies, reaching a tattooed hand up to scratch his neck -- probably more out of being nervous rather than an actual need to scratch his neck.  
"Oh! I'm Josh."   
"Josh"  
The word dances on Tyler's tongue as he repeats it back to himself.  
"I like it. I think you and I are going to be good friends, Josh."

Feet dangling in the biting blue below, the two talk until their lips are the colour of the water below and their toes are worryingly numb.   
They talk until the noisy chatter of people and machines alike fades into the ocean waves, and eventually, their speech slows until the only sound between them is of water splashing their moonlit frames.

Josh knew that by this point, his father must have left him. Now that the previously bustling pier was as lifeless as the memory of his mothers body being dragged away under the surface of the ocean which was blacker than black, like the unforgiving, merciless sky.


	3. 3) Someday you're gonna see the things that I see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is before they went to the pier. I'll probably keep doing it like this, going back to Josh or Tyler's lives in the past and then back to the present until it's all caught up and makes sense so that the story will be able to actually concentrate on their present lives at the pier kinda if that makes any sense. I really need to start getting into the actual story, and start uploading more. Also, if it's unclear, the places where the language and stuff is pretty much reused in the last chapter or whatever is intentional. It's meant to contrast or something. I don't know. It's 4am and I'm fricking tired.

‘’Joshua, get in the car.’’

Snapping his head up from where he had been resting against the doorframe, the 15 year old had to take a moment to register the name, before recognising it as his own. Had it really been that long since he’d been spoken to?

When his response wasn’t immediate, he felt the aggression in his father’s fists as he continuously hammered at the already dented door. It didn’t exactly help his throbbing headache. Neither did the fact that Josh hadn’t had a single drop of water since he’d exhausted the bottled supply in his room two days before. It wasn’t exactly the best time of year for the once-was family and things were better if he stayed away, and he only had himself to blame for his miscalculations.

‘’Okay.. Okay.. Give me a minute.’’

Running a shaking hand through dirty, dyed hair, Josh unfolded his cramping limbs from the mess of bones he’d reduced himself to over the past year, and gripped the crumbling plaster walls like a lifeline, to support him as he rushed to get dressed for the first time in who knows how long. It wasn’t like he got to see people anymore, and if it was only for himself, then what was the point in trying? He threw himself out of his door just a bit too fast, having to hold out unsteady hands in front of him to compromise for the way the black ink was running towards his irides, and seeping down through his body to dry like concrete, intent on making his legs crumple beneath him.

 

Though the steep stairs were particularly challenging for him, Josh managed to maintain consciousness and keep every one of his brittle bones intact. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before anyway. Waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs were his brothers and sister, who were too young to completely understand why they should hate their older brother, yet seemingly old enough that they understood that dad didn’t like Josh, so Josh wasn’t to be talked to. As much as it broke his heavily palpitating heart, he couldn’t blame them. Any of them. It was all his fault, and now they were suffering, and it was all his fault. In what universe could that ever be fair? Of all the times Josh had let people down, this hurt the most. Looking at fragile, innocent, untarnished souls and knowing the pain he had caused them wouldn’t take effect until they got older. It would only start when they were older, and really understood what had happened. It would only start when they found out that their brother, who was supposed to protect them, and never cause them any pain or damage them in any way, had committed the worst crime possible against them. It would start when they realised that he had taken away their mother. They were too young to remember, and they stopped crying for her after a few months. Josh was helpless as he watched her memory fade before his bloodshot eyes, and felt the guilt consume him more and more every day as the thoughts strangled his throat and poked tiny daggers into his lungs again and again until he was drowning in his own blood, unable to scream, unable to breathe. He was the only one old enough to remember her. He had watched the woman who gave him life more than once die, and still, he was the only one of his siblings who was graced with the memory of her. He was the only one who was still lulled to sleep by her caring, loving voice. If she were here, she’d be singing to them. Protecting them from all the agony life puts you through. But she was gone. It felt more like a curse than a gift. It was ironic. And twisted beyond belief. How selfish of Josh to take away their mother, when he was the only one who had the chance to know her.  
He was the only one.

 

‘’Where are we going?’’

Through a hoarse throat, he asked the question though he had a pretty good idea what the answer was anyway, and was even more sure that it wouldn’t elicit a response. The deep pang of shame and the rising lump in his throat when his words were quickly swallowed by silence and forgotten by the world were almost unbearable. Sinking further back into his seat, Josh wondered if he’d ever opened his mouth at all. With no way of knowing, he turned to look out of the window with a sigh, watching as the clouds danced by him all in a hurry, oblivious to the density of his heart from problems which weighed him down to earth like an anchor awaiting the day it’s captain would finally take it back in above sea again. As if gravity could then lift him high up into the air to rest amongst the peaceful clouds, and he’d finally be weightless. He’d finally be weightless.

Everything felt blurry and fuzzy as Josh opened the car door to follow where his family was walking down the promenade. And maybe he didn’t have feet anymore because he felt as if he might be floating. Maybe he really was a cloud. But if he was, wouldn’t the pressure dead-set on caving in his ribcage have given up by now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if I'm dragging on too much with things, because I know I tend to do that. And if you have any constructive criticism's I'd be glad to take them on board. This is my first serious fanfic that I'm attempting mainly because I want to improve so that I can write a book, so any advice would honestly be great. Anyway, I hope this wasn't too bad. It's really short still, but a tiny bit longer than my other chapters.


	4. 4) Sometimes I can't look at myself as anything but broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long has it been since I've updated this time? Ha. This won't even make up for it because again, it's like 500 words long. Anyway, I hope someone enjoys this and does not think this was a momentous waste of time and I need to get my priorities in check. Blegh. I wish everyone would see writing as my top priority. That's it. I said it too much. Goodnight.

 

Dizzy. All he felt was dizzy and sick. He tried to catch his breath, closing his strained eyes and hugging his body tightly , trying to ground himself. Once his breathing had calmed to the point where he could start thinking again, his wide, hazel eyes opened, slanted in exhaustion and he looked out the grimy bus window at the night quickly approaching and the signs quickly disappearing as he left the town he had called his home behind. What felt like hours passed with Tyler holding his heavy head in his shaking hands as he tried to rationalise his thoughts. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to find the obvious solution that he’s somehow missed. But his bleeding lip and broken nose could never let him feel hopeful, the bag on his back too empty to feel reassuring, and he had no contacts on his phone who hadn’t just declared him dead to them. 

 

His aching bones groaned as he clambered from the seat and left the warm safety of the bus. He didn’t miss the dirty luck the driver gave him as he passed over the money. He guessed he couldn’t blame him though. Probably thought he was up to no good like everyone else. Tyler couldn’t bring himself to care anyway. With a tired sigh, he rubbed away the mist from his eyes before adjusting the straps of his bag. A black sky fell over the dark streets, only lit up by a few faltering streetlamps. The scene didn’t do much to help him. It was the last stop, so even though Tyler had no place to go he got off and began solemnly walking the streets of the small seaside town. 

 

His feet trudged along the darkened sand as he swapped trances between his shoes and the moon, who was trying her best to glow brightly, and the sea reflected her efforts attempting to reassure her that she is just as beautiful as the sun. Tyler supposed she often forgot that, and often felt lonely. Drifting away from the earth more and more every day, unable to help it. Nothing able to stop the distance. Sitting down on the soft sand, Tyler listened to the music of the waves until he was sure he had heard every line of poetry they whispered to him, before singing along to the sea for the moon, to let her know she wasn’t alone. He couldn’t let her think that.

 

The moon couldn’t afford to let herself break, just like he couldn’t let himself think about the people he’d left behind (more like the people who’d left him behind) because he couldn’t afford to break down either. Not here. Not at this time of night in the middle of who knows where. Looking up to the strong, radiant moon, he vowed to be like her. Happy in her own company. At least outwardly. Insecurity only there if you were looking for it; if you knew the feeling well enough for yourself, it was tragically easy to see in others. He knew how it felt to be hurt to the point where you thought you weren’t going to survive. But he also knew that if you held your head up high enough, screamed loudly enough, glowed bright enough, there was nothing any person could say or do that could bring you down. 

 

What would have been the point in taking the bus all the way to the end of the route if he wasn’t going to at least try and stick around? Maybe everyone he’d ever loved had turned their backs on him, and maybe even God was sick of the sight of him. All Tyler knew was that he had a bubbling, burning ball of anticipation swirling somewhere inside of him much stronger than the gentle butterflies that would swarm, swelling his stomach back at home. That feeling was all he needed to make it through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's short.. again. I have had most of this chapter written for so so long and I just didn't know what the point was in posting it if I didn't know where the story was going to go but I have a bit more of a clue now which is good I suppose. Also, I'm really good at procrastination. But I have maths homework due in tomorrow/today now so yeah it seemed like the perfect time to update this again. Priorities, people. Priorities.


	5. 5) Melt your headaches, call it home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one may not make much sense, so I apologise in advance, but I cannot seem to keep my eyes from falling shut.

It was like they’d been sitting there for days. The reality of the situation hit Tyler Joseph like a tsunami as he realised how broken the two were. Abandoned, and left all alone in the cold. He’d told Josh that he lived alone here and the boy had looked at him as though he had lost his mind.

‘’It’s not that bad here, Jish.’’

Tyler nudged Josh semi lightheartedly, mostly trying to rid the shocked look from his face.

‘’No..I know.. It’s just..’’

‘’What then?’’

Heartbreak overwhelmed the lines of Josh’s face as he spoke.

‘’What happened with your parents?’’

Tyler clamped up. Nobody. Nobody at all would bring him back down. He could not afford to break down. How many times did he have to say it before the world understood that he was all he had?’’

‘’I live alone Josh. I’m sixteen. It’s not like it’s against the law or anything.’’

He left out the part where he had been living there since he was fourteen, writing it off as irrelevant.

‘’Sorry.. I was just wondering.’’

It felt like a punch in the gut when Josh curled in on himself ashamed of the awful thing he thought he’s said. Tyler couldn’t even open his mouth without the risk that his tongue would turn into a blade, his saliva like venom.

 

‘’Are you crying?’’ 

Josh whispers, voice soft.

‘’No,no, it’s just a raindrop.’’ 

Tyler replies too quick, frantically rubbing at his eyes with the tatty sleeve of his hoodie.

‘’Oh.’’

Josh shifted, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do next. The two boys remained silent for the next half an hour, only the sound of the ocean waves crashing up against eachother between them as they compete against the ferocious sky spitting down at the cold, salty sea.

 

‘’I should probably be going. My.. dad.’’

He pauses, looking cautiously over to Tyler before continuing.

‘’He’ll be wondering where I am. I’m never.. I’ve never stayed out this long before.’’

Tyler looked over to his new friend, hearing the quiver in his voice, and noted the way he rubbed his wrists together through his hoodie. One day. Already, he hated seeing Josh anxious.

..

‘’Rebel’’

Tyler whisper-sang under his breath, not sure whether or not Josh had heard him until the boy began giggling, and Tyler’s own lips parted in awe of the candyfloss boy sat beside him. They stayed there like that for a little while longer before Josh spoke again.

‘’I’m gonna go for real now. I’ll try come back as soon as I can.’’

His lips went up towards his eyes in a half smile which fell slightly as Tyler replied.

‘’Bye, Josh.’’

..

‘’Promise you’ll still be here next time?’’

At this, Tyler chuckled softly, and put his hand on Josh’s leg as he was standing up.

‘’I’ll always be here Josh. You don’t have to worry about that.’’

With that, Josh scrambled to his feet. Tyler’s hand was outstretched towards him, as if it was asking a question. He pulled the chocolate eyed boy to his feet as an answer, and the two hugged for what felt like minutes but must only have been a few seconds. Then, Tyler was pushing them away from one another, and lightly shoving Josh in the direction of the bus station, with a silly but sincere,

‘’Be safe.’’

Josh nodded and smiled with his mocha eyes, looking at his feet for a second before running off to the bus stop leaving Tyler in a lovestruck daze. He stood for a moment longer, before crouching, then resuming his sitting spot, on the end of the pier. All of a sudden, footsteps are running up behind him. The question of what’s going on too slow to his lips, he turns to have his question answered. A kiss is planted on his tanned, quickly turning pink cheek.

A panted,

‘’You too.’’

Is heard, before he sees a flash of bubblegum pink, and hears the footsteps resume again.

‘’Dork.’’

Eventually, Tyler forces himself up onto his feet again, and makes his way back to the place he’s been calling home for the last two years. It was stupidly lucky the way everything had turned out for him. His family, friends, even the statistics were against him but here he was, still breathing steadily at sixteen years old. Making it to sixteen an acheivement on it’s own, he thinks. He had a roof over his head, and everything else he could ever need in terms of sustenance for now. The way his life had turned out was so different than he ever would have imagined it being, but he could definitely say that experiencing it in the present made him feel good. He had achieved something. Entirely on his own. With no one around supposedly picking up the tattered remnants of his own life he apparently trailed behind him and no one telling him he was no good. He’d proved them wrong. He had proved everyone wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I do tenses and sentence structure and punctuation right so please tell me if there are any mistakes in this.


End file.
